So acting like someone else isn’t a great 10-year plan, but the magic in this seemingly peculiar (and inauthentic) practice is that, in just a short time committed to acting like someone else (and acting means taking action), your belief about your own identity can actually change.
Have you ever heard of an alter ego? Clark Kent/Superman — or Jekyll/Hyde if you’re my hangry 6-year-old daughter … Well, there’s a great book by Todd Herman, former performance coach to the New York Yankees and Danish Olympic team: The Alter Ego Effect: The Power of Secret Identities to Transform Your Life.
A coach’s takeaway: You can act like someone you’re currently not so you can eventually become that person, or at least gain some of those desirable traits. Here are my interpretations of how this practice has affected my life as well as many of the clients and kids I’ve coached over the last 10 years.
A practice of “putting on” a new behavior/trait, even once a day to start, can lead to a long-term shift in identity, leading to a potential ripple effect on other related behaviors.
Simple case study: A member wants to lose weight but thinks of himself as an unhealthy person. His behaviors in the past have been just that, less-than-health-conscious, and he is pre-diabetic. His doctor tells him he needs to lose 50+ pounds to decrease his risk of disease. We meet, and I ask him about someone he admires. It’s a co-worker who does Tough Mudders, lifts weights, and packs his lunch every day. Fantastic.
My client obviously isn’t able to take on all of those behaviors at once. But he can choose to “try on” the behaviors of this co-worker he admires. He can, in essence, create an alter ego for himself whose behaviors align, slowly, with some of the traits he wishes to emulate — and eventually with a lifestyle and identity he carefully curates.
So we make a simple action step to start: In his sugared-up morning coffee, he simply cuts out one pump of syrup. Even just a few times a week. That’s it. He does this successfully and says he really didn’t even notice the change. So maybe at his check-in the next week, we add in the practice of eating a simple breakfast: a boiled egg or protein shake. Right on.
Quick win for this client. He has aligned a few of his behaviors with this new “alter ego.” He doesn’t have to be the full version to take on some of those practices. He’s moving that dial towards becoming that guy, and he’s starting to see himself differently. He’s intentional, focused, and powerful with these simple choices.
So why don’t people just jump on this bandwagon?
Imposter syndrome, anybody? (“I can’t be anything less than fully and authentically ME, or people will talk.”)
Yet people have tried the status quo approach of a New Year’s Resolution-type gratitude practice, meditating, or attempting something outside of their comfort zone. Nothing wrong with that. Point is, we’ve all tried new things. They were just looked at as behaviors, not as an integrated part of who we were at the time. Some of them “stuck,” and some didn’t. Most things that stuck weren’t complete overhauls, but we likely gained a few new habits. Maybe we even saw ourselves differently and still do.
Yet when it comes to fitness and health, for some reason, we count ourselves out, as not up for the challenge, unable to make anything stick. So maybe our approach could use a little re-framing.
Maybe we could use an alter ego.
You can wear the fit-bod superhero cape for 20 minutes, or one simple action a day – or even just a few times a week. You can wear your cape under your normal work clothes, or you can simply tell a friend or your coach that you’re trying something out. You choose. But really, that’s it — a simple start.
Disappointing, right? You wanted me to tell you that the only way to change your life is to throw out every ingredient in your cabinet that isn’t grass-fed or organic and start training for a 5k? Nah. Incremental change works; it’s just not as sexy (or marketable) as an overnight success.
After a week of trying on the new alter ego’s behavior, take inventory: Did you stick to it? If not, was there a moment that your thoughts betrayed that new persona? Time to do a little digging and see what got in the way.
After another week, reevaluate again. You did the thing consistently, so think about adding something that grows from the ground to your lunch.* So you buy a bag of mixed greens and, probably, since we live in Central Illinois, ranch dressing. Okay. But let’s be moderate: Measure out a tablespoon and call it. There’s another win. Simple portion control.
With every 30-second decision, you’ll start to think of yourself differently — one tiny step at a time.
So really, I know this was a long spiel to just highlight the fact that you can make real change — if you’re willing to be a little vulnerable and challenge how you think about yourself – and the actions that stem therefrom.
Just be aware, doing the thing with your body doesn’t necessarily mean that your mind will immediately align. Anticipate some internal pushback, and make a plan for how you’ll handle it: journal why you started and some of the wins along the way, tell some supportive friends what you’re doing, and, our favorite, ask your coaches for advice (and for goodness sake, if you haven’t already, hire a coach)! Accountability is the missing piece to many would-be-success stories.
Last thing: My mantra when I’m working on a change like this:
This one reminds me to trust the decision I made as one that was well-thought, intentional, and powerful, and not to second-guess myself when things get tough.
Do you have a mantra? If not, may as well give it a go while you’re trying on a new alter ego trait. Let me know if you find one that works well for you, or has in the past; and if you want to borrow mine, get after it 🙂
~Coach Mindy
*If you do this almost unprecedented act of using an entire container of greens before they go to their slimy death, YOU’RE WINNING. Seriously. You’re among the ranks of the most accomplished adults. Alter ego: accomplished.
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