Expectations – Now is the Time to Check Them

Anyone know what “anticipatory anxiety” means? This may well be a real description or a known thing (I didn’t even Google it yet), but it’s what my brain came up with when I realized that sometimes I get anxious about future anxiety.

Ugh.

And you can kind of, in this case, replace the word anxiety to say this:  Sometimes I get unrealistic expectations about future expectations.

Sometimes simply the 𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕒 of heavy future expectations is enough to cause that churning feeling. So what if, instead of working really hard to make sure those future (anticipated/imagined) expectations are met, we first look at whether the outcome of those expectations really requires us to do those things? 

What’s the goal? Is it to feel accomplished, at peace with, in alignment with, your vision for your life? Is it a specific arrival point, one you’ll land on for a given amount of time? (Because, let’s be honest, you never really arrive anywhere any more than a 3-month old baby stays there long enough to get a sleeping pattern down before that growth spurt and increased hunger hit.)

Also: In view of your current goal, are you using a previous accomplishment and the measures taken to get there as the rigid bar you have set for yourself?

Does your life look exactly the same as it did then?

Probably not.

It is possible, then, that your expectations for how to move toward your goal can also be adjusted, perhaps even loosened? (Is this akin to wearing stretchy pants to holiday parties??)

Constantly giving yourself permission to do less isn’t the thing we’re suggesting. We’re challenging you, as we often challenge our clients, to consider realistic expectations for the current phase of life. Your goal might stay the same, even when times of acute tensions hit – maybe you have a physical competition of some kind in the spring, or you have a dress you bought for an event, but you’ve been busier taking care of a sick parent. And you still just really need to hit that goal.

Maybe it’s more of a process goal:  You need to feel a daily sense of accomplishment, so you plan to hit strength training 3x/per week and walk on the other days. 

But in those acute stress times, and even in daily life, you may have to adjust what you expect of yourself. This can look a lot of ways, but here are a few ways to adjust and reduce some of that anxiety:

1. You NEED your gym time to be enjoyable. Like, always. And maybe it’s just not that way as often lately. That’s okay. It’s not going to be fun all the time. Maybe even not for a “season” of life. If you do fitness for the rest of your life, is it realistic to expect yourself to enjoy every moment of it? No.

Just like when seasoned mothers say “enjoy every moment” and you’re covered in toddler poop from a potty training accident – no, not really enjoying that at the moment. Take what our wise Coach Alex says to heart:  “2/10 of your workouts are going to just suck. 6/10 will be fine, good, they check the box and leave you glad you did them. 2/10 will be stellar – you’ll walk out – no, you’ll skip your way out the gym.” 

Okay, he didn’t say that exactly. He only uses the word “skip” to describe how my 8-year-old daughter moves from one place to another when she’s not hangry.

Point is, you won’t always love it. Take the longer-term view. You’ll come out of it. Just give yourself permission to be where you are and focus more on showing up.

2. Have a dress or pair of pants you want to fit into by [insert date]? Maybe your goal of losing a few sizes before the spring event needs to be altered to include the expectation of (prepare for triggering) … nutrition work. Not exactly what most people care to think about. But you could be planning to run daily to burn extra calories, when, really, it can be much simpler than fitting that into your life, and even easier on your body.

So calorie cutting needs to happen YESTERDAY, right? But what if you modified that slightly to include, first, a focus on hitting more servings of protein, and not so much just focusing on total calories. Yes, that’s probably coming at some point. But you can plan that ahead and make sure you’re dialed in a few months prior and simplify your current expectation a bit.

3. You did it alone last time – and this time, you’re just stuck. Or you start but can’t stick with it. You may need accountability this time around. Consider hiring a coach.

The end result can be the same, but the way you get there, and even the way you THINK about getting there, needs to be flexible. 

Because the next time you undertake a similar goal, maybe even a harder one, there’s a good chance your life will have changed, again, by that point. And you don’t need to reinvent the wheel to hit that goal again:  You probably just need to adjust your expectations, up OR down, and make a plan to get there, one that welcomes a slightly adjusted lifestyle you won’t loathe. 

Need help? We’ve got you. Yeah, we coach squats and bench press, but this is a huge part of what we do. We’ll listen, and then maybe we can help. Reach out.

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